I walked up the stairs of the Newtown Youth Services building, late to the meeting, as usual. I had recently joined NYCAAP. NYCAAP is a group of Newtown Youth Creating AIDS Awareness for Peers. A friend of mine had asked me to join and so I said that I would give it a shot. I walked slowly up the small stairwell that smelled like mildew and mold, finally I made my way to the upper level. At the top of the stairs stood a not so tall man with a bright big smile. He asked me if I was going to NYCAAP. I guessed that he was late as well. He showed me to the room where everyone was and there I stood in front of about 20 other people and realized I was late, real late. I quickly found an empty seat and apologized for my tardiness. It so happened that my seat was next to the man I had met in the hallway moments earlier. He began to speak with a soft tone, but a serious voice that caught everyone's attention. He introduced himself as Mark. Mark was a guest speaker, who had spoken to NYCAAP before, but I was not present when he had come. One of the very first things he said was that his T-cells were up and that he had a girlfriend that he had been seeing for quite a while. It was then that I realized that Mark had AIDS. Shock came over me and I didn't know what to do. The thought of Mark having AIDS was unthinkable. I kept thinking that if I looked at him he would think that I was staring at him and I didn't want to be sitting next to him. It was not that I didn't like him, I was just nervous, I didn't know how to act.

He began to ask each one of us why we wanted to educate others about AIDS. When it was my turn I didn't really have an answer for his question. I think that the reason why I had come was because I wanted to find this answer, I wanted to find a reason why it is important to educate our peers about AIDS. I also wanted to come to an understanding with the topic of AIDS and why it is such a deadly virus, why does it hurt so many people. I just didn't understand why people would put themselves in danger of getting AIDS and then have to die.

I began picturing how cruel life was to give such a kind and caring person such a deadly disease. I found it not fair that all of us live life as if it were never ending. Now I realize that life could end today, tomorrow or many years from now, for any of us, even if we don't have AIDS. That is something I don't want to know, though. I don't want to know that I am dying. However, many people like Mark are living life with a limit. They know that they are dying soon, it is just a matter of time. However, people with AIDS don't have to let this virus bring them down. Instead they can focus on the good parts of their life and make their life count. This is what Mark is doing by educating people like me about the AIDS virus.

There is one thing that shocked me about Mark, he said that he was lucky to have the virus, it was more like a challenge, instead of a disease. Although it was taking his life, it was not taking his soul. He made the point that he can still live a normal life and that he was not going to let the virus control him. I now realize that the AIDS virus is a killer, but not something that we should fear.

I had no clue that Mark would impact my life in the way that he has. Now I go to the NYCAAP meetings with an open mind, and also an open heart. I never realized that Mark had AIDS when I first met him. After he was done talking I was shocked, and I didnŐt want to shake his hand, but I did. I know that I could not get AIDS from Mark, by shaking his hand, but I was scared. Now as the days go on, I realize that more and more people have AIDS and that many of them are in my school. But, instead of judging them for carrying a virus, I now have an open mind and heart for all people. I now don't judge people by the way they look or their social status, instead I focus on their personalities.

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